Found these whilst browsing and thought I'd share 
On the Alfa Romeo Brera... 'I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather and I'm nursing a semi!'
Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - 'It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom'
On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: 'there is a word to describe this car: it begins with 's' and ends with 't' and its not 'soot'.
Hammond:'So its fairly terrible then?'
Clarkson:'Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another league of badness!'
'the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite'
'Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you.'
'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw'
'Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?'
'This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.''
Mercedes CLS-55 AMG 'Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.'
'I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?'
Clarksons highway code on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road,
some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction.
Run them down to prove them wrong'
'Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the
cheapest Ferrari of them all!'
On the Lotus Elise: 'This car is more fun than the entire french air force crashing into a firework factory'
'I don't often agree with the RSPCA as i believe it is an animals duty to be on my plate at supper time'
Some say that he truly belives that foot-ball is a medical condition"¦ and fear is just a low scoring word in scrabble.
All that we know is he's called THE STIG
[On the Enzo Ferrari] "I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: "Can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."
"That Pagani Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time."
[On the Porsche Cayman S] "There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean."
"Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would."
[On the Alfa Romeo Brera] "Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You've heard she's mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn't you?"
[On paddle shift automatic gearboxes] "The thing is, it's a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever"¦ "˜Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station "“ I'm a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I'm gonna swap some cogs around!'"
"The Ferrari 355 is like a quail's egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts' belly button."
[On the Enzo Ferrari] "Ferrari is so pleased with it they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... "˜The Colin.'"
[On the Ford GT40] "Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that's a question I've never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not."
[On the TVR Tuscan 2] "It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't."
[On the TVR Tuscan 2] "You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon's backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it's too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone's tried to mend their own shoes."
[On the Lotus Exige] "To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you've got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It's kind of like peering into one of your grannies' old kitchen cabinets."
"Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face."
"The highlight of my childhood "“ it's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really.
Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT.
Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together.
With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."
[Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] "Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn't move an inch.
[When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] "When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to,
The British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire.
But the German engineers from Mercedes said "˜Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!'
They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails."
[On the Corvette Z06] "As something to live with every day, I'd rather have bird flu."
"There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in."
[On Detroit] "God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."
[On the Porsche Cayenne] "I've seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!"
"A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster."
"In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled "“ usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was."
"I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God."
"The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth."
"Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the ebola virus and you're about to sneeze."
"The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different."
"I'd rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy's upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy."
[On cars at a Max Power show) "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they'll blow up."
"What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?
"Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off."
"Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow."
[On the Renault Clio V6] "I think the problem is that it's French. It's a surrendermonkey."
"It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that."
[On Segways] "They're made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."
[On a Chevrolet Corvette] "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!"
[On the Koenigsegg CCX] "I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!"
"If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you've seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves."
I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."
On the Alfa Romeo Brera... 'I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather and I'm nursing a semi!'
Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - 'It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom'
On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: 'there is a word to describe this car: it begins with 's' and ends with 't' and its not 'soot'.
Hammond:'So its fairly terrible then?'
Clarkson:'Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another league of badness!'
'the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite'
'Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you.'
'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw'
'Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?'
'This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers.
Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying 'Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.''
Mercedes CLS-55 AMG 'Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.'
'I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?'
Clarksons highway code on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road,
some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction.
Run them down to prove them wrong'
'Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show......so we'll kick off tonight with the
cheapest Ferrari of them all!'
On the Lotus Elise: 'This car is more fun than the entire french air force crashing into a firework factory'
'I don't often agree with the RSPCA as i believe it is an animals duty to be on my plate at supper time'
Some say that he truly belives that foot-ball is a medical condition"¦ and fear is just a low scoring word in scrabble.
All that we know is he's called THE STIG
[On the Enzo Ferrari] "I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: "Can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."
"That Pagani Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time."
[On the Porsche Cayman S] "There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean."
"Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would."
[On the Alfa Romeo Brera] "Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You've heard she's mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn't you?"
[On paddle shift automatic gearboxes] "The thing is, it's a gearbox, okay? It has one job to do! One job! Pull the lever"¦ "˜Am I a pencil? Am I a cauliflower? Am I a nuclear power station "“ I'm a gearbox! Oh, heavens, I'm gonna swap some cogs around!'"
"The Ferrari 355 is like a quail's egg dipped in celery salt and served in Julia Roberts' belly button."
[On the Enzo Ferrari] "Ferrari is so pleased with it they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... "˜The Colin.'"
[On the Ford GT40] "Was this the greatest hypercar of them all? Well, that's a question I've never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not."
[On the TVR Tuscan 2] "It's supposed to be easier to live with, and easier to drive... so has it worked? Ohh... Oh, my God. No... no... no, no, no. No. No. No, it hasn't."
[On the TVR Tuscan 2] "You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon's backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says it's too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone's tried to mend their own shoes."
[On the Lotus Exige] "To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you've got chicken wire, bacofoil and tupperware. It's kind of like peering into one of your grannies' old kitchen cabinets."
"Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face."
"The highlight of my childhood "“ it's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really.
Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT.
Now this for me, when I was little, was kind of like Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together.
With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."
[Announcing the Top Gear Awards in December 2005] "Now the best gas guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: the Range Rover Sport which achieved eight miles to the gallon; the Bugatti Veyron which achieved four miles to the gallon; and Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel and didn't move an inch.
[When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] "When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to,
The British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire.
But the German engineers from Mercedes said "˜Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!'
They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails."
[On the Corvette Z06] "As something to live with every day, I'd rather have bird flu."
"There are signs directing you away from Birmingham but nothing enticing you in."
[On Detroit] "God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."
[On the Porsche Cayenne] "I've seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!"
"A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster."
"In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled "“ usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was."
"I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God."
"The Caterham may only have 250bhp, but you have to remember that it weighs about the same... as a J-cloth."
"Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the ebola virus and you're about to sneeze."
"The old Aston Martin DB7 was just a Jag in drag. It was an XJ-S in a party frock. This (the Aston-Martin DB-9) is completely different."
"I'd rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy's upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy."
[On cars at a Max Power show) "Most of these cars will do 0-60 once....and then they'll blow up."
"What did the Morris Marina compete against? Walking? The bus?
"Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off."
"Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow."
[On the Renault Clio V6] "I think the problem is that it's French. It's a surrendermonkey."
"It costs Volkswagen £200 pounds to buy a set of four fuel injectors for the Golf diesel. Kia could probably make a couple of cars for that."
[On Segways] "They're made in America, of course, so fat Yanks can go to the fridge without expending any energy."
[On a Chevrolet Corvette] "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!"
[On the Koenigsegg CCX] "I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: Oh no, my head has just exploded!"
"If you have any thoughts or opinions on what you've seen in the last ten weeks, do please keep them to yourselves."
I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."
