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Dirty Wee Rats

Joined Dec 2008
6K Posts | 84+
Usually at the top of the apple tree.
Ma lassie phoned me yesterday, "Da ma motors stopped, the engine jist died" so after a brief description of whit happened and her whereaboots i set off to see whit I could do.

After fannyin aboot wae the engine and scratchin ma napper I came to the conclusion the alternator wiz goosed and it wiz runnin aff the battery, it's handy havin a multimeter in yer van.

Anyhoo I decide tae go tae ma shop and get ma battery pack and jump leads, a gets there and picks up the battery pack and starts lookin fir the jump leads. Noo a huvnae seen them fir aboot 4 years so am huntin aboot fir them when a decide tae look in this big plastic box. A clear all the ***** that's stacked on top of it and open the lid,,,,,,,,,,nae jump leads but there's this shoe box in it and am sure a saw it move a wee bit so a lifted the lid and low and behold two wee furry fookers are pearing oot at me. A shut the lid on both boxes and carried the plastic one ootside. Noo am thinkin nae wae are they gettin away wae eattin ma shoe box. So back intae the shop and grab a nice big shovel.

Ma plan is tae lift the big lid then the wee yin and whack the fukkers wae the shovel,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,how wrang wiz me. The first yin bailed oot sharpish and wiz aboot 10 feet away while a wiz still lifttin the shovel UP, fukk.

Noo am ontae plan B, lift the shoe box oot the plastic one, keep the lid on it and jist whack the utter **** oot it. A'd like tae say a succeeded but yet again a failed miserably, on the third strike the wee **** fooked aff under ma van and doon the yard tae freedom. A wiz so disappointed wae ma performance a never telt a soul aboot it till noo.

At the start a thought aboot plan X which wiz tae dowse the shoe box wae thinners and jist light it. Thing wiz though a used tae play golf wae and owld farmer and he told me a story aboot whit they used tae do wae the rats they'd trapped until it backfired on them. They used to soak them wae petrol and light it as they released them, a bit cruel but it wiz back in the dark ages. All wiz fine wae their extermination technique until one of the lit rats decided tae shoot aff straight intae the barn,,,,,,,,,,,,,the whole thing brunt fir a day and a half.

Anyhoo 185 notes fir an alternator and her motors runnin again.
 
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I used to live on a farm & sometimes the rats got a bit out of hand.

We used to get the tractor that used to kick the most smoke out of the exhaust & connect a hose up from this to to the places where the rats lived.

Then it was just a case of getting the little critters as they made a dash for it, half doped.

The farm dogs loved it.
 
Pissed myself laughing there Aldo. I can just imagine you & your face when the little bugas ran off. Cheered me up no end mate.:yes
 
Ah mind when we stayed up near Dundee ma maw hud chickens n wee Indian runner ducks. They put a gravity grain feeder thing in an the rats fae the farm up the road demolished the grain in a couple ay nights. Ma auld man put a light in the run so we could see the rats an oot came the air rifle,optics fitted. Ah tell ye the ground surrounding the run must be poisoned wi aw the lead we pumped intae it. We went through 1000's o slugs an never even grazed any o the *****. Fastest thing on legs ah ever saw.
 
Dirty B******* from next door had their house reposessed

The rats were living in

When they cleaned (needs gutting) the house a rat must have moved into my loft as I could hear it scratching away so the rat man came and put some poison down .

I still need to go up into the loft to shift the dead
 
Get some nice grain & mix it up with a bit of plaster.....don't forget to leave a drop of water....gives 'em a bit of a thirst before it sets.
 
Sorry Aldo.
I live down South and I didna understuned a wurd off wot yo sd.

I add a bit of a larf but dat wer me tr in to read that stuff.
 
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